People are just way too uptight these days. And I think they like it!!
Am I just imagining things or is practically everyone I know getting their diapers in a wad from worrying and fretting like never before? It seems that worrying is as popular as ever, so much so that it has surpassed baseball, apple pie and Facebook in popularity as our country’s most favored pastime. I know that’s a terrible thing to say but some things just need saying. But I said it and now I’m glad I got it off my chest so I’m not going to worry about it anymore. I’m over it because I’m a bum and bums don’t worry about anything. It’s a great gig if you want to try it sometime.
It took me years to learn the ropes of being an art bum. But it was so worth it because I’ve found that being an art bum is the closest thing to a perfect life that you can ever hope to live this side of Heaven as it eliminates the need to worry about anything ever again. Some people take a vow of silence to find inspiration, some take a vow of poverty to find God, and I’ve taken a vow of not worrying about a darn thing because I’m just a lazy oaf who’s sole ambition is to goof off all day long while being perfectly happy about it. As an art bum I spend my happy days sitting around half-dressed while thinking deeply about the mysteries of life, the complexities of art and the joys of napping which I indulge in frequently as it helps me to remain chipper and beautiful. When you’re as chipper and beautiful as me people actually want you to stay home and take naps, and lots of them, so that they don’t have to look at you. As I said, we live in such a nutty and neurotic world nowadays that they don’t even know a good thing when they see it, the philistines! Clearly those worrisome critics of mine are overdue for a bottle and a good nap themselves.
I’ll confess that I did try worrying once or twice. Mostly for kicks and to see what worrying was like. I found it to be an unpleasant experience to say the least, much like trying to puff on a cigarette for the very first time. I found it difficult to do and flat out misery to sustain so I quickly dropped it. Maybe that’s just as well I guess because I don’t have any great desire to engage in it. Take it from me, worrying needlessly about stuff just ain’t much fun. At least for me it isn’t. It only makes you old and miserable and if I ever want to be miserable I can sure think of plenty of better ways to do it. Like getting a rectal exam. Or getting married.
