Well goodness golly dear readers….. what can we talk about today? Oh, lets give the topic wheel a good spin and see what it lands on shall we? I’m right curious to know myself.
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Well I’ll be! We’ve got a dandy for today folks. And a timely one too as I’ve been thinking about this very subject myself. It reads, “Hey Bryan, why is it you keep losing your pocket notepad EVERY darn day?!” Why yes, let’s dive in and scrutinize this vexing issue because this is exactly what I need to know because right at this very moment I have lost my pocket notepad and have no idea where on this big and beautiful planet of ours it could be hiding. Unfortunately this is a regular and a super-annoyingly predictable occurence in my life. It’s amazing, and a bit worrisome, how often that thing goes AWOL. And I bet you thought I only lost my mind???
Now is as good a time as any to let me state for the record that I am a recognized world class expert at losing all manner of critically important things. You name it and I’ve probably lost it more than once. When it comes to losing stuff I am truly world class. So dear readers, if you ever want anything to disappear, hit me up for I am the best man for the job. But consider yourselves warned as my fees for this service are exorbitant and my waiting list is long. But I will not apologize for that as I am the best in the biz at what I do and have been honing my craft of losing all manner of loot for a great many years now. There’s nothing I can’t lost and that’s an open dare that still remains unchallenged. And one of the very few things which I can’t seem to lose.
Growing up my good mother always had some sage (and utterly useless) advice for me every time I lost something. Which happened every ten minutes or so. She would always ask me, “Now where is the last place you remember seeing it?” Ahhhhhh….. if I only knew! But of course I don’t because if I did I would hustle myself right over and grab it. This was true of me as a kid and it’s still true of me now as a middle-aged and rumply doofus who still thinks he’s a kid. Funny how my mind only seems to retain the utterly useless info while quickly purging anything of importance from its memory banks which might be useful later. Science should look into that.
Naturally if I could remember where I lost something I would run straight to it but I seldom (if ever) do. My memory banks have been wiped cleaner than my dog’s supper dish when he’s done eating. Logically I know it must be buried somewhere underneath one of these random piles of my messy existence laughing with glee at my ineptitude of keeping track of it. Which is pretty darn comical when you get to thinking about it. Hey, I might even make a board game out of it along the lines of the famous ‘Where’s Waldo?’ Now there’s a million dollar winner! I oughta write that sucker down in my notepad before I forget all about it. If only I could figure out where it is!!! AIIIIEEEEE!!!
Welcome to another day with Bryan. This surely explains why I never get anything done. So before I forget I’d better head off to the store and buy myself another notepad. Or four or five of them! It’s no big deal. I need to go to town anyway. And I’ll jump in the car just as soon as I can find my wallet and car keys.
